Is this love or is it fading away?. How should I deal with all of this anger that is building up in me against you. This power struggle has never really worked on my side, I think that the only thing I've got on you is this house that you so openly order me around in. Don't do this, don't do that - - I feel like I'm living with a controlling parent again and it's making me unhappy. I want to make this work, hell maybe I am pretending . . I don't know what to do anymore. When I need to talk, we don't talk. Whenever there is an issue you ask me to look into myself so that you don't have to. And I'm sick of feeling like shit when I don't have the answer, and I'm tired of cleaning up your messes. You never take responsibility for your own shit. We used to talk about these issues, yeah back in November before we moved in together. I did not even have five minutes to live alone before your mother kicked you to the curb from your own lease and you ended up here with me. I've tried to be happy and I've tried to work with you on this - but I don't feel like there is any compromise anymore at least when it comes to respect. I walk on egg shells and you walk in with muddy boots. I can't figure it out, my energy is fading and I don't want it to die. I think we've had a connection, we met and obviously for some reason fell in love. I'm not out of love, but I am seriously emotionally beaten down now because I've had to change myself for you, I've changed my friends, my interests . . . hell I've nearly changed my religion and morals for you. So then I look to myself on the inside - codependent as I am, there still has to be a place that I can blame you for your actions as well. I honestly don't think we've ever worked on a 50/50 work load. I think I've taken on about 80 % of the load as you sit on the couch relaxing, as I clean the house. And now that I've asked for you to pick up the slack - you seem to be unhappy. Or is it my unhappiness? . . I hate being scaulded for your mistakes, and I hate having to remain silent because you can't deal with your own imperfections. I can't express myself to you right now, nor has it ever been easy to. It started because we were new and I was timid of scaring you off with my needs. . . but now I just feel as though you've got my card; the "easy" card and you use it against me.
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