Anxiety, Life, and Relationships.

I realize now that I have an anxiety issue to deal with and I do not know where or how to start. You see, there may be a few foux pas issues between my boyfriend and I, but the truth is that whenever the sky is blue - I wake up just to close the curtains. I'm obsessed and perhaps phobic now of pain, suffering and infidelity. I deserve not to feel this way, but it's not my boyfriend who can provide this. It's me.

I have to take control over my mind and I have to have trust in my boyfriend but more within myself. Every time that I allow myself to think a negative thought or have any form of doubt within my boyfriend, I create a false reality and therefore I believe in it. I love my boyfriend so much, and lately I don't feel like I get enough attention from him. Perhaps I need to be more understanding of his actions. Perhaps I need to take control of my life again without feeling responsible to anybody but myself.

A single hug or kiss from my boyfriend makes me feel safe, secure and acknowledged. When he does not speak to me, or when he is online with his friend Je**** I feel as though I am not a part of the picture frame there which leads me to feel uninvited, unneeded or disapproved. The simple truth is that while our relationship definitely needs work upon our communication skills and some aspects of our sex life - nothing has been compromised by J******* making friends with another guy his age. It's natural and maybe even healthy.

Perhaps if I accept this reality and take more time to work on myself, I will learn how not to feel intimidated by other men. Of course I may doubt my boyfriend from time to time simply because he is not perfect and like I've said; we have some pretty serious communication breaks to work through and build upon. But for the most part, I have to remember that he loves me and if I am not going to be strong and hold onto my end of the bargain; not only will he have no standard to match but he will be turned off from my love.

This I pray :

Today I ask that my fear and my anxiety will find a healthy place outside of my command center. I pray for more trust in God and in myself that I may trust others. I pray to forgive myself for the abusive behaviours I've accepted in the past and I ask for a new chance to redeem myself in my relationship with myself and my boyfriend J*******. I ask that peace will enter my home so that communication feels free and ready to flow between J******* and I. I ask that my grounding and my security will be restored through prayer and action. And finally, I pray that you will send a message to my boyfriend - "I love you".